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The Four
Agreements at Work:
An Inside
Job
In his
book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz
distills the essence of Toltec wisdom into four principles
for living a life of value:
How
elegantly simple and, as some might say, a “no brainer!” But
simple wisdom isn’t common practice. While most of us
believe we are impeccable with our word, we know others who
are not. And most likely, others, from time to time,
consider us far less than impeccable.
The Four
Agreements are deceptively simple, yet difficult to apply.
With practice, they’re extremely effective, providing a way
to experience inner peace and happiness, while creating
stronger relationships.
Each
agreement is self-directed. It’s not about what you can do
to change someone’s behavior. Rather, the guides teach us
how to respond appropriately to others’ difficult behaviors
and maintain smoother work relationships.
So, how
do you apply these principles at work? Let’s examine each
one.
1.
Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only
what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the
direction of truth and love.
Words
are powerful, and your speech establishes (or undermines)
your credibility and trustworthiness. With language, you
express your creativity, knowledge and values.
Unfortunately, we often speak too quickly, without thought.
Speaking comes so easily and effortlessly that we fall into
the trap of using clichés and automatic phrases that often
don’t do justice to our ideas.
This
first agreement means much more than not lying, cheating or
stealing. It requires you to make honest, positive
statements that reflect who you really are, letting go of
the “fake” persona that may occasionally creep into your
communication.
Just as
your word can form solid relationships, it also has the
potential to destroy them. When we abuse the power of
words—spreading verbal poison as we express anger, jealousy,
envy or hate—our gossip pulls others down, creating a
climate of fear and doubt.
Remember: Your opinion is nothing but your point of
view—and not necessarily true. It reflects your beliefs and
ego. We spread gossip and opinions so we can defend our
point of view.
Ironically, spewing destructive words can also hurt someone
closer to home: you. How often do you speak against
yourself, even in a semi-humorous, self-deprecating manner?
Self-judgment is one of the worst transgressions when we
examine the first agreement. You cannot practice tolerance
and patience for others if you’re self-critical. Having high
personal standards means developing a nonjudgmental attitude
that chalks up mistakes to learning experiences. Take
responsibility for your actions, but avoid self-blame.
2.
Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because
of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own
reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the
opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of
needless suffering.
Each of
us lives in our own world, in our own mind, set off from the
larger worldview. When we take something personally, we
assume others know what’s in our world—and we then try to
impose our world on theirs.
Even when a situation is
personal, insulting you directly, it has nothing to do with
you. What someone says or does is merely his opinion. If you
buy into this opinion, you eat his emotional garbage, which
then becomes your garbage. Refuse to take it
personally, and you’re free to act in accordance with your
values—not his.
Similarly, your opinions of yourself are not necessarily
true, so don’t take them personally. The payoff will be
greater freedom and renewed energy.
3.
Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions
and to express what you really want. Communicate with others
as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness,
and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely
transform your life.
We make
assumptions about everything, believe them to be true and
then act upon them. A better solution is to ask for more
information so you can clarify what others mean and
ultimately want.
We often
assume the worst, creating a “reality” that erroneously
becomes the gospel truth. We may know better, but it’s hard
to consciously catch yourself making assumptions. You do,
however, have a choice: Clarify and question.
It may
feel risky to admit you don’t know something with 100%
certainty, fearing you’ll appear dumb. You may try to avoid
conversations in which you must reveal your assumptions,
leading others to perceive you as less than brilliant.
Consequently, you miss opportunities to strengthen
relationships.
4.
Always do your best. Your best is going to change from
moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy
as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your
best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and
regret.
When we
put forth our best efforts, our colleagues know they can
rely on us. We appear fully engaged in our tasks and
passionate about our work. Doing your best also brings out
the best in others.
Practice
Become
more mindful. The next time you begin to gossip, assume
something or fail to clarify, stop yourself. If you sense
you’re taking something personally, back up and think before
you speak. Ask yourself, “How can I make this situation
better?”
It may
be difficult to learn and apply the four principles
simultaneously. But conscious attention to them will help
you learn alternative ways to react to difficult people and
situations.
You’ll
be amazed at the number of workplace opportunities to avoid
gossip, personal assumptions and performing at less than
optimal levels. When you practice the Four Agreements,
you’ll feel invigorated, exhibit innovative thinking and
enjoy stronger relationships.
Instead
of trying to change another person, make an impact on
someone you can really change: yourself.
Recommended Reading
Ruiz M.
(1997) The Four Agreements. Amber Allen Publishing,
San Rafael, CA.
The Four Agreements at Work:
An Inside Job |
